7 main reasons why the wife avoids sexual proximity to her husband
When people conclude marriage, in most cases they are confident that their family life will be the happiest and nothing will be able to overshadow it. And often at first and happens. Ecumenical love and passion absorb newlyweds. They are passionate about each other, communicate a lot, practically do not leave the married bed. But after some time, the husband begins to notice some changes. The wife increasingly refuses intimate intimacy, hiding behind various, banal at first glance, reasons. Then she has a "head hurts", then "critical days", then just "no desire." Of course, a loving spouse this fact should be overlooked. What has changed? After all, everything was fine before, and "the system worked uninterrupted." And my husband does not give rest Question: "Why does my wife want me, and what to do about it?"
Perhaps he simply ceased to take into account the fact that the physiology of men and women is significantly different. And representatives of the fine floor, it completely depends on psychology when an additional moral mood is needed. While young people can start literally from a semolotudy and have in almost all cases uninterrupted orgasm. Unfortunately, many men do not take into account such facts, but not everyone is solved directly from the partner.
If you do not know what to do in such a situation, we will help to figure out, considering the main reasons why the wife does not want to be close with her husband, and who can be to blame.
Cause No. 1. Overvoltage and fatigue
The graph of most modern women is very rich. In one day you need to have time to make a huge number of things:
- Work at least an 8-hour working day.
- Solve pressing problems and reconcile.
- Rill after work in the store for products.
- Have time to remake homework: cooking, cleaning, washing, etc.
- If you have children to make lessons with them, gather to school or kindergarten.
- To put yourself in order in the morning and before bedtime: shower, meycap, body care takes a lot of time.
- Improving the figure in the simulator room or on fitness, etc.
Not every fragile young lady is able to cope with such a physical and moral load. Therefore, if the wife refers to strong fatigue or headache, should not be skeptical. Most likely, she is really exhausted to the limit and its only dream is trying to bed and sleep eternity. And there is not enough strength for sex, no desire.
Cause No. 2. Depression
It is worth paying attention to how you contact your wife, what words to tell her and what is her reaction in response. Maybe the spouse has banal depression, the reasons for which there may be many:
- Lack of attention and emotions from the husband.
- Ignoring her requests or desires.
- Regular listening to its address of non-extended words about appearance, figure, character, intelligence or economic activity.
- Compare with other women (especially former) not in its favor. Etc.
Against the background of such moments, the girl can only be sad, swallowed through the insanity of tears and finish complexes. I can not be any sexual desire from her side and speech.
Cause No. 3. Hormonal Failures
The decrease in the libido is often associated with a hormonal failure that may appear as a result:
- female health problems
- generic activity
- Climetable period associated with the extinction of the reproductive function.
The hormone failure in the body can affect physical health and mental state. A woman becomes nervous, irritable, she is tormented by dizziness, fatigue. Sexual acts are able to cause painful sensations in such a period. This is all imposes a print on sexual attraction, and the wife is forced to avoid intimacy.
Cause No. 4. Tired of monotony in bed
It often happens that during the courtship period a man manifests himself alpha male. And to raise the parent, is ready to make love players several times on the day with all elements of diversity. But after some time, passion pokes, "the bird falls on the network," and you can relax. Intimate life becomes monotonous and monotonous - as if "for a check mark."
If you have a temperamental spouse, then this development of her events, of course, does not suit. And she can think that it is better not to have any sex than such a "dim". She is just bored in bed and want passion, romance, diversity. Wife is easier to go to bed and see the dreams of erotic content. Or think about finding a temperamental lover. Anyway, it is necessary to take effective measures and make interesting moments into your bed filled with romance and passion.
Cause No. 5. Crested feelings
In some cases, when people together for many years, they are so accustomed to each other, which begin to treat the partner as a friend or a close relative, and not as a lover. With such a production there is nothing surprising in why the wife does not want to have sex with her husband. It was simply cooled with love feelings or transformed into friendly. As a rule, this happens in relations, of which romance and gentle courtship are completely left, not to mention the initiative and erotic fantasies. And only a constant solution of material and domestic problems comes to replace.
Reason number 6. Husband became unattractive
When the guy and the girl are just beginning to meet, they try to be irresistible and care for each other. After a time of interest in his appearance, married men fade significantly. After all, they believe that if the woman married, then it is obliged to love her husband in spite of everything. Especially when there is a phrase in society that a man should be a little more beautiful than a monkey. But in fact, a fair sex representative loves no less eyes than a strong floor. In dreams, many ladies represent their companion of Breda Pitt or Danil Kozlovsky, but in reality they get someone? Viktor Sukhukova? If a man wants to call a sexual desire from his companion, he must constantly follow his appearance, as well as develop spiritually to be an interesting cavalier.
Reason number 7. Wife found another sexual partner
As is well known from physiology, a woman by 30 years flourished as a sexual partner, its libido is enhanced, and temperament grows. In men, on the contrary, sexual attraction begins to calm down. Therefore, if your wife once "has noticed" in a married bed, she can look for a way out and, in the end, find a replacement in the form of a lover. And to return to the bed to her husband, her no longer appears.
It is possible that more and serious feelings appeared against another man against the background of sexual satisfaction. And then your marriage will soon be able to connect.
In addition to the main reasons why a woman does not want her husband, there are special occasions.
- Pregnancy and childbirth When a girl does not enter into a sexual connection during pregnancy, it may not only be its reluctance or capricious, and recommendations of doctors due to the danger to harm the intrauterine development of the child. Some men are trying to ignore these appointments, counting with stupidity and comparing with other married couples, which during the expectation of the baby did not refuse themselves. Because of this, conflicts occur in a young family, and from the insult to the wife can cool down to her husband. After childbirth, it takes a period to restore the female organism, and for each girl it is individual and can be from one to several months. Some women due to hormonal failure, strong physical and moral loads and constant lack of sleep may refuse the Sex spouse even to a year. Because the attraction is simply no. And it will happen until the body is completely restored, the hormones will not rise to the place, and the nervous system will not come normal. A man must be patient and wait for the desired moment without reproaches and coercion.
- The lack of orgasm in some of the representatives of the beautiful gender is in habit to simulate the pleasure and obtaining orgasm during sexual intercourse. It is done more often in order to initiate a man with his passion. But the problem is that while the process of acting skill is going, the girl is distracted from the main moment and cannot already focus on the present enjoyment. And, of course, hides it from a man. It makes it worse only by yourself. The partner is confident that it fully suits his lady, and does not attempt to diversify sexual life. And the lady soon such a course of events begins to bother, but also to admit it does not find his strength. Therefore, the first time the teeth will impose the situation, and then it gives up at all intimate proximity, because it does not see the point in it for himself.
But there is also a small percentage of practically frigid women who, in their physiology, do not have much attractions and even more so orgasm. This moment the spouse should notice at the very beginning of the relationship and not surprise in the future there is no proper caress. In this case, the assistance of a professional sexologist or even a psychotherapist is necessary.
Thus, the reasons for the failure of intimate proximity can be associated both with physiology and with a psycho-emotional sphere of a woman. Therefore, the solution to the problem should affect both of these parties.
How to solve a problem?
Now, when you know all the reasons why a woman does not want a man, you need to figure out how this problem is solved and what to do if you do not want to completely lose your spouse.
Actions to restore intimate proximity to his wife are as follows:
- Talk it out of the reasons for refusal. To do this, you need to choose the moment when the spouse rested, in a good spirit arrangement and is configured to the conversation. You know each other for a long time and probably you can pick up suitable words for conversation. The main thing is that they do not sound reproaches and accusations, and it was not like interrogation. Your tone should be calm, relaxing to friendly communication. It is better to choose a relaxed romantic environment, where you only two, for example, for dinner or on a joint walk. Ask what you can do to change the situation and hint that they are ready for all for the sake of my wife. Most likely, she will not refuse to clarify the truth.
- Dilute the downloaded schedule of the spouse with the provision of assistance. After all, it is not so difficult to take on some household duties, for example, spending, cook lunch or dinner, throw things into a washing machine, and after washing to raise, etc. Also, it will also be useful for you to periodically engage in children and prepare with them homework. Well, of course, make all the men's work: Conduct the sockets, hang the shelf, change the crane and so on. Undoubtedly, the spouse will appreciate such feats and wants you to thank you with chic love games.
- Watch yourself. To attract the attention of women, it is enough to comply with simple rules. First, it is always well maintained - clean, shaved, tasty smelling, with trimmed hair and nails. Secondly, to dress stylish. Even replacing the usual leaky workouts with sagging knees and Mike-Alkashka for a decent homely suit, you can see how the chosen of the chosen will change to you. Thirdly, do not stop improving the figure. It is not necessary for this to go to the gym or run around the stadium. Simple exercises in the form of tightening on the horizontal bar and pressing from the floor can be performed right at home, with his beloved spouse, causing her interest and desire from moving muscles, and spiritual development, of course, also does not hurt, if you want to stay not only with a welcome lover for the beloved , but also a pleasant interlocutor.
- Find more time to conversations with your beloved woman. When the spouses have confidential communication, physical thrust will be constant and uninterrupted. Integet to how the day passed. Listen to the problems and urgent questions who care for his wife. Discuss Joint Plans for the Future. We are often talking on erotic subjects, advise in intimate actions and recognize the interests and fantasies of each other. Flirt with his wife - it will warm her sexual interest.
- Give your wife to feel how much she is loved and welcome. You can achieve this in several steps. Step 1. Regularly tell her compliments, whisper in gentle words. It is quite easy to do. And by the way, the more often you will admire your wife, the more beautiful it will become. After all, she will have a real stimulus to be transformed and raised to continue to cause interest. And in addition to compliments external data, do not forget to praise her talents on the housework and admire her as an enviable wife and a caring mother. Step 2. Unexpected pleasant surprises and cute presents will certainly increase the mood of your lady and will not remain without a retaliatory gesture. It is quite possible, they will be an unforgettable night of love. Therefore, do not skimpting the colorful flowers, beautiful decorations or just funny baubles and sweet gifts as often as possible. And the certificate in the spa salon is generally able to crazy any young lady. Step 3. Do not forget to ask the phone during the day, like a spouse of the case, and say that you really miss and look forward to meeting to hug and kiss your favorite woman. Step 4. Invite your wife on dates. For example, in a cafe or restaurant, in a movie or theater, to the museum or to the exhibition, stroll through the park or along the lake, etc. When it goes into the world, it will feel an interesting, desired woman and will be very transformed. After all, it is important for representatives of a beautiful sex. To demonstrate yourself next to your beloved man in the best form, for this they face, and dress up, and make inconceivable hairstyles - it is that others pay attention to that it is during the cavalier. Please note that if such signs are not focusing. Escape from her husband, sooner or later he can be replaced. Some interesting man will appreciate your wife for dignity and easily be able to lead from the married bedroom.
- Regularly show the care of your beloved woman. Morning coffee in bed, evening massage, delivery lunch to work, whipped pillows before bedtime, raspberry tea during a cold - such simple little things cause pleasant responses in the shower and desire to be with their chosen one later.
- Diverse intimate life and surprise the spouse with new erotic techniques and sexy caresses. But for such an experiment, you also need a suitable moment. It is unlikely that excessive fatigue or bad mood of his wife will play your hand. Therefore, it is better to prepare in advance. Relax your woman with a warm bath, massage and a slight dinner, and then begin the matter. Several compliments and affectionate incomes with delicate touchs will be configured to the desired way. Passionate kisses and hugs with the right stimulation of erogenous zones will be degenerated by a truly hot fire. And then the case will remain for small.
Remember that each situation has a way out. And you should not despair if your wife has rarely manifests sexual interest, and even more so look to her replacement. It is better to use these tips, and the result will not wait long for a long time.
The opinion of sexologists and family psychologists
Not always with such problems, the couple can cope independently. There are cases when the assistance of a psychologist or a sexologist is needed to establish, for what reasons the wife does not want her husband. These situations include:
- Mental sexual injuries in the past Women who influenced its attitude towards intimate intimacy.
- Frigidity or other deviations of this kind.
- Too low-profile self-esteem of the girl and disbelief in their attractiveness and glance.
- The prolonged crisis in family relationships with whom the spouses are not able to cope.
After providing professional assistance, experts usually give certain recommendations for further establishing the intimate life of spouses:
- Trust communication with regular proclaiming of possible problems and search for them to solve them.
- Cardinal change of the situation. For example, a trip on vacation to the "Second Honeymoon" or moving to a new place of residence.
- Attention to your own mistakes. Not every person is able to correctly appreciate what he does wrong, and often shifts the guilt on the partner. To do this, focus and analyze your actions and words, and make the necessary conclusions. It should be a permanent work on yourself, not a one-time action.
- Despite age, to regularly monitor and their health and maintain its body at a high level of activity.
Test: Does your second half do not change?
Do you suspect your partner deceives you? Pass the test and learn whether you can drive your afternoon.
"I don't want a husband," the girls are written in the forums, turn to a psychologist to get advice in this difficult problem. And, experiencing an endless feeling of guilt in front of her husband. But, at the same time, the situation does not change. The desire for her husband was gone, - and what to do with it - I will tell you in this article.
I don't want my husband anymore
"There was a time when we could make love at all anywhere. We both demolished your head. And I remember how to leave, I considered the minute, I wanted to hug him, cling to him. When we met, the first thing we did is rushed into bed. If there was no bed - in the bushes. If there were no bushes - in the car. They approached any places. But it all passed. Children were born. I no longer want a husband. Why I no longer want a husband? I can't answer this question .... "
Commentary of the psychologist
Answers to the question "Why I no longer want a husband?" Will probably unexpected for you and unpleasant places.
1. You do not want more husband because you have completed the task that Nature has delivered before you.
You met a man, you had an attraction that led to the fact that you got pregnant and children were born.
And, it is very often happens that it is after the birth of children a woman turns on the so-called maternal dominant in the brain. Which reorienses its psyche's efforts not to the process of reproduction, but on the process of education and survival of their children and maintaining a family hearth.
So conceived by nature, that as the reproduction task is made with a definite male, a woman has this switching.
And, upset because of this is absolutely no need, because there is a way out of this situation, and I will tell about it below.
In addition, how it is written everywhere, the factors are working against libido:
2. Chronic fatigue
Everything is clear here.
3. Bad organization of your life
When you can not organize it easier to allocate time for a romantic meeting with your husband.
4. Troubles with health
And, most often - hormonal failures. And it may be caused:
- - Reinforcement of contraceptive tablets (they drive hormones to a minimum, and enclosed with them and libido)
- - Valopausque and menopause
- - Objects of the endocrine system
In general, it is worth saying that in principle, women's hormonal differences are very interesting. You probably noticed that during the month your desire to her husband hesitates from "I want to crazy, ready to climb on the wall," before "do not come to me, you call disgust."
This is all due to only vibrations of female hormones. Therefore, in general, this is the norm.
But, all the same there are serious health problems.
And, if you say that "I no longer want a husband and I don't want to live with him" and at the same time, suspect that this may be caused to the problems with health, then it is necessary to be examined.
5. Conflicts and uncomfortable heavy feelings between you
Next reason why "I don't want a husband anymore and I don't want to live with my husband" - this is a protracted unresolved conflict with him who cause you heavy, but at the same time suppressed feelings, such as: offense, wines, shame, disappointment, fear .
These feelings are always caused by the fact that You did not say problems with him, Gestalta did not closed.
And, in your body find their use and exit just so unpleasant way. You feel and say: "I don't want a husband anymore."
6. Another reason why "I don't want a husband": you have two concepts in your head: love is like feeling and sex
And then you say: no love - no sex.
Men are easier with this, for them sex most often it's just sex. But a woman, as a feeling of feeling, emotional, puts love and admiration for a partner as a mandatory condition for proximity.
All these reasons are solved, read the article completely !
Author: Cold Okaterina, psychologist. You can sign up for an online consultation on Skype, Vyber, Telegram, Vaiber
I do not want a husband at all - I want another
"I don't want her husband, I want another." This happens at the stage of your relationship with your husband when you Disappointed In that it is possible to establish a normal relationship. Who will be returned to you to make sex with him.
Exactly Feeling disappointment It is the point of no return that makes you want another if everything is in order with your libido.
And absolutely optionally your husband is some kind of bad, or a drunkard or a drug addict or a terrible sociopath. Not at all. He can be a very good, beautiful man. But at the same time, he does not give the wife of those emotions, and does not close those needs that are really important for you.
As an example, the most common, I will bring this situation.
It is quite a wonderful man in all respects simply not scientified in the parent family to show attention to the woman. He has no such option, how to give flowers without reason, to make small gifts without reason, or tell her daily, that it is the most beautiful, the best, most desirable.
Or he does not know how to listen to it well and competently. Rightly listen to a woman - it is to give her 15-20 minutes to speak (without advice and attempts to solve the problem!) And only repeat it "I understand. Go on. " This is the advice of John Graya, the world famous professor of female-male relations, whose book "Men from Mars, Women from Venus", for sure you know.
And this situation described above is the most common, which leads women to disappointment in a man.
But, of course, in your case he can be an alcoholic, and a drug addict, and a psychopath, and someone else.
In any case, if your libido is preserved, but you have been disappointed psychologically in the husband, then your libido will push you into relation to another man.
I do not want to change my husband, although I do not want to get intimacy with him
Dual situation: I do not want a husband, but I do not want to change my husband. This moment is so caused by dissonance in consciousness, which looks like a blast explosion.
"And I don't want a husband and I do not want to change my husband," let's see what such dissonance can be caused.
"I do not want to change my husband" - it's great. This suggests that you have gorgeous moral foundations . You stay faithful to him, even at that moment, when it was already understood that your libido was silent and sad at the sight of it. You still hope that it will change. What happens to something will be some advice (psychologist) and something can be fixed.
If you do not want to change your husband, then do not change.
I always speak for the fact that the family needs to try first save . Necessarily. Destroy is not to build it. But you need to try to correct something. How - this is written below.
I do not want to live with my husband
In addition to the fact that the girl says "I do not want a husband," she adds "I don't want to live with my husband." These words are talking about full, total disappointment in their man. It is about the fact that the girl no longer hopes to fix something, but at the same time it does not leave him.
I do not want a husband, what to do? Tips for psychologist
1. Whether the Reduction of Libido is a consequence of health problems.
And most often, some hormonal problems.
To do this, there are such doctors as gynecologists, endocrinologists that will help you to send you to the analysis you need. Suggest what exactly to pass.
Most often you need to pass such hormones as:
- Female - estrogens;
- follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH);
- And, Testosterone
All of them can influence your libido. If any serious problems exist with them, then, of course, what kind of desire can we talk about? Hormonal therapy is needed.
2. Just hormonal fluctuations
If there are no serious problems with hormones, you simply have a libido during the month and a desire to her husband varies from zero and even negative to very high.
And so things happening constantly, and you have noticed this, we decide that it is just normal hormonal differences during the cycle.
In principle, for most women in reproductive age, this is normal.
And in this situation, I can give one advice:
When you really want - catch these moments, grab your husband and enjoy intimacy, eat it. So that your appetites are fully satisfied.
And at that time, when you do not want, simply take advantage of this calmly, with the understanding that your hormones are now sleeping and enclosed with libido sleeping with them. It is sleeping, and not died.
You can simply "give" in this situation. At the same time, to explain to him that "my hormones are now dormant, and with them a lyubido is sleeping." Therefore, dear, loved, cute husband, I can just give you now - you want, on.
3. If you have unsolved conflicts and heavy feelings between you
If you understand that the reason for the reduction of your desire to her husband has become heavy feelings and unsolved conflicts leading to heavy feelings: wines, insult, fear, shame, disappointment. That, in this case, the study of these unlocked gestalts is necessary.
In general, it is very important for us for psychological health that these all things do not suppress, do not push out. And, at least, to vote. Or with her husband, if it turns out. Either with a psychologist. But it is very important for us to do it.
And this is not only for returning to normal sex life. It also affects your overall performance. And at your common desire to enjoy life and peace.
4. Angle organization of your life
If the reason for what you say "I don't want a husband" is the wrong organization of your life, then I can also give you a good advice, it is:
Learn to organize your life. Learn to put not only the goal "to give children in a circle of English, swimming pool. Cook food ", etc. Also put the goal "Romantic Meeting with Husband." Let it be in the list of your cases.
And feel about this as an independent necessary work. Because, believe me, an intimate meeting, joyful gives you a charge of energy, happiness, health.
It is very important, and no less important than sitting with girlfriends, or go to the garden, etc.
Treat intimate meetings with your husband as an independent task that you need to plan and which brings good results. After all, it strengthens the world in the family, and is also an excellent prevention of betrayal.
In addition, for a good organization of his life, it is very important to adhere to the principle of 20/80.
Principle from Richard Koch.
The essence of the principle is that 20% of the efforts in your life give you 80% of the benefits that you get from it.
This is a mathematically proven number confirmed by many studies. For some reason in our universe, everything is right. 20% of effort give 80% of the benefits, joy, benefits, benefits.
But there is an important nuance. Not "aby what" effort! It is necessary to identify those your efforts that really bring fruit.
At the same time, those who simply take away your strength, but do not bring special fruits - we calmly throw them completely from our life.
It is important here to figure out, conduct an audit of your actions and see which of them are really helpful, and which are just labor, but not so helpful.
At the same time, it is important to be honest in front of yourself, and do not regret those actions that do not give you an exhaust. Roll them out of your life.
It was then that the place is released, in order to plan a pleasant romantic meeting with her husband.
5. I do not want a husband, because he does not know how to satisfy me - how to be with this reason?
Such a reason is also common, and in this situation the Council is:
It is necessary as specifically as possible, very friendly, but at the same time firmly tell her husband What you like in bed, which leads you to the highest pleasures.
I often come across that girls clients say: "I'm ashamed to tell him about it."
Then, we diagnose that there is a sense of shame. With this sense of shame to work well, live him, and get away from him.
Because for your happy life with my husband it is very important directly, honestly, frankly and friendly talk to him about what is acceptable for you, which is unacceptable. What I like, that leads you to the highest pleasure.
6. I do not want a husband, because I do not feel love and admiration for him.
How to be in this case? After all, "Life is not a dairy river with fermented banks." And "the marriage will not be called a good thing." That is, of course, in the process of a joint life, the initial love and passion can fade. A conscious partnership will come to replace her.
In which you feel more that you are "Spouses - two in one harness (so" spouses "are translated from Greek). But alas, not passionate lovers.
The exit in the following: reconsider your attitude to the proximity and throw romantic installations from the head.
Start considering bed affairs as a leisure type, which is good for health.
As a jog, or any fitness that we are a couple - three times a week.
Why? For benefit! After all, sex strengthens marriage, is prevention of betrayal, improves health, appearance, physical shape and promotes life expectancy.
Go to it not romantically, but rationally.
I foresee an objection: yes I do not excite
In this case, I can recommend periodically read erotic literature, watch erotic films. Because our brain is programmed on a monkey, and imitation.
That is, the brain thinks: if others do it - it means that your nervous system receives a signal that you can and you need it too.
Also, be beautiful. Be sure to buy yourself beautiful underwear .. Wear it, even if you just go to work. The very idea that you are dealt with, provokes of sexual ideas.
And so we can solve the problem "I do not want a husband." I wish all the world, love!
The candidate bakery period is always beautiful: long romantic walks, kisses under the moon and calls every ten minutes on a mobile phone. Enjoying this wonderful time, we are sure that it will be forever. But the gray one-time life, which in the future hangs over the relationship, is able to absorb even the most sincere and passionate love. At the same time, women often do not want closeness and try to avoid it any way.
I do not want to sleep with my husband ... This problem is often affected by the disturbed ladies. Their unenviable marital status comment on everything to whom is not too lazy, often mocking over the cooled woman or accusing it in frigidity. Instead of reading all this nonsense, it is better to turn to a psychologist who will tell about the main causes of reluctance. Experts allocate several pitfalls that are on the way to your "sex" happiness:
- Stresses. They do not allow his wife to relax and tune in to the desired wave.
- Diets and reception of contraceptive pills. They can lower the level of libido.
- Some features of the character of a husband: rudeness, passivity, untidiness, non-compliance with hygiene.
- Hormonal restructuring of the body due to the birth of the baby.
In these cases, the problem can be solved by canceling hormonal drugs, having flocked the period until health rests after childbirth, just talking frankly with a man about his way of life, habits and character. If the reason is not detected, and the woman continues to say: "I do not want sex with my husband!" - In this situation, you need to deal in detail.
If the husband is not macho
Perhaps the problem lies precisely in this. And a woman cannot confess to a man that his sexual abilities, alas, do not deliver her desired pleasure. When they just met, the girl did not notice it, as Romantic hid a lot. Hiking in the cinema, dinner with candlelight and "hugs" at every step smoothed sharp corners, and you did not attach a lot of incompatibility in bed. But now Pelona slept from the eye. And the woman is not quite comfortable next to the chosen one. And she mentally asks for itself: "I do not want a husband ... What to do in this situation?"
Psychologists advise the girl to straight to their half, which does not suit it. Common efforts the problem will be solved. If the reason is the absence of excitement, you can ask your husband to pay more attention to petting. Let him seduce again, will be playful, passionate. The man is obliged to remove the old family melting, which is used to lie in front of the TV, and wear frank and sexy underwear. If the lady does not suitduration of sexual intercourse
Its chosen must bring it to the peak of pleasure in another way: oral caresses, for example.
This state is familiar to every woman. It is 100% confident: the process is far from amazing and enchanting, but where it is necessary to refinement, can not understand. She just didn't like to go to bed, and she sighs doomlessly: "I don't want to sleep with my husband ..." As a result, it's easier to refuse than to break your head in search of unsuccessful and annoying moments of physical intimacy.
In this case, the lady still will have to find the time to sit down and understand. Since in addition to it, no one is capable of solving the problem. If the husband is correct, attentive, gentle, neat, loves his wife's shaky and respects her mother, then the girl needs to look for reasons deeply inside him. It may simply need a break or a variety of poses and places. Then, so that there is no obstacles called "I don't want to get close with my husband," you can smear to the sea or in the mountains. Changing the usual atmosphere, new acquaintances and adventures can revive the former passion and protect a couple of unwanted divorce.
The couple did not come together in temperaments: he wants several times a day, and she and two sexual acts per week is absolutely enough. And when the husband again "wishes" his soul mate again, she wants to run, where the eyes look. The wife does not ask himself: "Why don't I want a husband?", She firmly knows the answer to this question - took out. Yes, it happens often. The tireless rabbit in the face of the faithful marks to a woman, even when the surrounding reality does not favor physical proximity: it is busy in the kitchen or prepares a report to the conference. Or simply not configured to go to bed here and now. In addition, the girl offends that she was looking at her only as for the statement, ignoring the two higher education received by her, the knowledge of Shakespeare in the original and written philosophical articles.
There are two outputs. The first - the wife refuses, but risks in six months to know about the presence of the chosen one. The second is to agree, relax and enjoy. And this is the best way, since with age such moments will occur more and less. And in general, rejoice that you want. Many women can only envy this position.
A woman who got used to repeat: "I don't want sex with my husband," often something is missing. Psychologists argue: the lack of communication can lead to the fact that the feelings between spouses are hidden. In this case, the pair must be held together as much as much as possible: for the weekend ride on picnics, at the same time take vacation and ran away. If there are children, then they are better to leave them with a grandmother, so that the husband and wife can completely enjoy a common pastime.
The man at the same time should take an active part in the personal life of his wife, share its interests, maintain plans to engage in a common hobby. Don't be afraid, nobody makes it up with a cross, but watch togetherRomantic melodrama
Completely in his power. In addition, this will give a lady delight, she will look in a new way to a marriage, especially on their physical side. The chosen one should take an active part in home affairs, walk together for purchases and help children with lessons. Thus, he will unload her everyday life: the lady will not be tired, the desire of intimacy will occur with her much more often than before.
They develop from childhood and interfere with the beautiful half of humanity to live and love. Any physical flaw makes his wife shy his body. And on the next bachelorette party to speak to girlfriends: "I do not want to sleep with my husband!" The girl can avoid intimacy, if she has a small or too big breast, scar on the stomach or curves legs. To convince his wife is that it loves her as it is, sometimes it is very difficult. If the lady is so looked at the problem, it is possible to fix flashes by surgical intervention. He will promote and consult a psychologist who will teach a woman to love himself in spite of anything.
The chill in the relationship may appear even if the girl feels a lack of her sexuality, beauty, seductive skills. She shames a flabby tummy and silently envies the tightened beauties, where the cavalier is seized. To feel a confident coquette, a lady should be played sports, it is easy to eat and sign up for Geish courses. This will radically change her attitude to sex - in a positive side.
Lover is this a way out?
In this way, many women are trying to destroy Gordiyev Knot. It seems to them: if the husband does not cause proper emotions and sexual attraction, they should be sought on the side. And then, as a new employee comes to the office, a new employee comes to the office: smart, beautiful, elegant, smiling. The husband clearly loses compared to him, especially if you remember the dump of dirty socks under the bed or his habit of picking in the nose. Therefore, the new employee as a magnet attracts a girl, promising her paradise mountains in the form of care, love and, of course, high-quality sensual sex.
A woman thinks: "I love, but I do not want a husband. I will not get divorced, but I can delight yourself." But is it worth the sheepskin dressing? Many ladies, tasted the forbidden fruit, argue - no. First, you need a strict conspiracy, which takes a lot of time, forces and means. Secondly, the remorse of the conscience will not go to sleep at night. Thirdly, the lover will be the same man prone to socks. Therefore, the cavalier on the side is unprofitable.
Four justified "no"
I do not want to sleep with my husband ... how often it can be heard from girlfriends, employees or even from his mother's mother. The problem is old as the world, and often a woman in it is not to blame. Agree, one thing to go to bed with my half, when you do not carry cargo concerns about the house and children. And quite another, when you break over a million parts, so that you can go and go to work, and feed the family, to launch everything, releasing and get finally. After such a marathon, I just want to fall on the bed and do not move. At the same time, the attempts of her husband to seduce the nerve cramps and attacks of aggression.
Sexologists say that there are four arguments for the benefit of women who do not want to enable love for:
And so that it did not happen, try to find the reason for your coldness and solve it by the methods that are described above.
What if you don't want sex with my husband?
If nothing of the above helps, you need to go to another way. The most efficient, reliable and useful psychologists call the ability to fall in love with the elect again. It is difficult to make it enough, especially when ten years of living together and a couple of children in the next room. So that everything happens, psychologists recommend focusing on the positive qualities of the spouse. The wife should pay attention to that he has very strong sexual hands, but close his eyes on hanging "ears" fat on the sides. Although it is necessary to hint on problems in the figure. Better, if training you will visit together.
"I don't want a husband, what to do?", "The girl asks himself. At the same time, it does not suspect: it is only worth remembering a candy-bakery period, as a feeling of heat and tenderness will burst throughout the body. She needs to re-present those moments when he looked in love with his eyes, kissed his hands, did a proposal, he was on duty at the Roadom's windows and launched the salutes at the birth of the firstborn ... These memories will be given to understand that there is no longer a person. Love is reborn, and with her and passion, and the desire of the proximity, and the thirst for new sexual experiments.
It seems that the extinction of passion is a natural stage for any relationship. Where there is sex and how to return it tells Family psychologist Gemcellov Maria .
The situation "I love, but I don't want," it is much more common than it may seem. Sex is an important, but not the main aspect of the relationship between partners. It happens that in the family everything is smooth, but the husband does not want to be close with his wife or wife does not want sex. Something prevents sexual entry between partners.
It is important to understand that love and passion is about different. Love, but you can not want, but it's boring! Imagine, all my life there is only dietary - live a long time and great, but not at all interesting and forever. This is a good metaphor of sex. Passion and sex seasoned married life, make it more diverse. In addition to the function of emotional convergence, sex bears the function of the game. This is an adult "children's playground" for two, where you can do everything that suits both (without coercion and violence).
Imagine, all my life there is only dietary - live a long time and great, but not at all interesting and forever. This is a good metaphor of sex.
Sex is really important for the physical and emotional health of the partners. In addition, it is an excellent prevention of divorces. How to save "fire" and intimate proximity in marriage? We will try to figure out!
Sex, like everything, is subject to change. Life comes, partners change (both externally and internally), their excitement and sex change. It seems to be all understood, but not everyone is ready for this. People often find the situation when a beloved husband does not want sex or wife suddenly begins to avoid physical contact and confesses to girlfriends: "I love my husband, but I do not want him!".
About him. Reasons why the husband does not want to be close with his wife
One of the common reasons is the wife very much recovered, her body has changed after childbirth and feeding the baby. This is a natural and natural situation. The husband understands this, so anger, indignation, annoyance does not feel - he still loves her, respects and appreciates. But as a mistress does not see. There is no sexual attraction - the husband does not want to be intimidated with his wife, because she is not the same. But not everything is so unequivocal.
Sexy excitement is taken to be inextricably associated with the appearance of man. If it meets the standards of sexuality, it is customary to want to experience physical attraction. For example, the model on the cover wants everything, and a neighbor-fat - no one. Since "accepted" by the majority, but this is rooted, does not correspond to a true understanding of sexuality.
Sexual desire is born in the head as a response to special incentives. It so happened that we live in a world where such an incentive is considered to be a young, well-groomed appearance. But the excitement can also give birth to other incentives, not associated with the appearance. Most likely, everyone will remember the story as he wasveling a man because of the voices, smiles, senses of humor, talent. The stimulus launches the process of desire, further heats up fantasy, game, waiting.
When her husband says that he does not want his wife, because she has changed after childbirth, he is Lukavit - it's not about the body. "You're already not that" means "I no longer turns what I started before," and this is normal.
A truly passion flared up in our head, and not under the blanket. Therefore, when a husband says that he does not want his wife, because she has changed after childbirth, he is Lukavit - it's not a body. "You're already not that" means "I no longer turns what I started before," and this is normal.
The reason why the husband does not want his wife, often lies not only in her outer shell or behavior, but in the head of the man himself. After all, some men passionately admire even a pregnant wife, while others cease to experience interest in a woman who still matches all the canons and causes a bright desire for other men.
Remember, as in the film "White Sun of the Desert", the hero refused to eat black caviar: "Again, you brought it, damn it! Bread would be better bought! ". A constant stimulus cannot cause the same strong reaction always, its action is reduced - this is a law for any situations. It only seems to her husband that if the wife leads himself into shape, he will want her "as before." As if the return of the "wrong appearance will return the excitement and passion that were between the spouses a few years ago. Getting used to the stimulus - here is one of the main true reasons why the husband does not want sex.
About her. Causes why the wife has no desire to sleep with her husband
Not only in men may disappear. In half cases, the wife has no desire to sleep with her husband. Causes can be individual and complex. During the period of courtship and at the stage of the novel, a man should try to conquer a woman, make an impression, to fight. He represents himself with the "best" side. After marrying a man, often relaxes, stop trying - why, a woman has already been conquered.
Many women after a few years of living together are complaining that the husband turned into respect from the "Beautiful Prince": she gained weight, lost his friends, stopped interested in something new, follow the appearance and health. Also, some husbands cease to try in bed: neither caress, nor prelude - simple mechanical sex. The reasons for the reluctance in such cases are clear.
So, if my wife does not want her husband, the reasons most often lie in their relationships: coldness, quarrels, resentment, laptop heat, and perhaps in the disclosed trees.
But there is another side of sex - emotional, and it is more important for women than for men. Under the emotional component of sex, I understand the current state of relations between partners - their confidence in each other, warmth, care, attention, tenderness. For example, if a man has changed the externally not for the better, but his emotional connection with his wife is only stronger (a woman feels loved), this is more likely to prevent the emergence of female desire than male with the same data. In other words, a woman can more often arouse emotions, and a man - from appearance.
So, if my wife does not want her husband, the reasons most often lie in their relationships: coldness, quarrels, resentment, laptop heat, and perhaps in the disclosed trees.
Another important difference between men and women in the matter of initiation and the emergence of desire - a woman is more experienced for her body and what it looks like. If the woman recovered, or simply lost her shape habitual, she was harder to relax and liberate in bed. She is shy, she suspects that I do not like my husband. She is unhappy, upset and does not know how to make love "such" with the body. In this version, the unwillingness of sex, in fact, is unwillingness in sex, not a man. In men, such a thing is infrequent.
What if you don't want to get close to your wife / husband: Tips for a psychologist in 6 rules
Of course, it happens that stress, diseases and other life circumstances become the cause of the loss of desire. In addition, our task is not to make someone to blame, but answer the question: how to return the passion of a couple, where is love?
So what to do if the husband does not want his wife or if the wife does not want to be intimidated.
1 Give each other space. The desire can not arise in too close pair - there is closely, it's not necessary to turn around. In other words, if a husband with his wife lives one life for two, as traces of the twins, the passion will not arise there, because there is simply no place. The husband does not think about his wife, where it is delayed, because already knows about her plans for months ahead. The wife does not excite the look of her husband, because it she herself bought a shirt, and shoes, and a coat. In this case, by asking the question, "the husband doesn't want me to do what to do?", Try to start leave a little space, ignorance island, a little mystery between you.
2 Speak. Conversations are very important. And on themes of sex, among other things. What I want to try that I don't want in any case that I liked before, but what is now. Chipped her husband about an erotic dream with his participation with the details of intimate affection - a good start for the emergence of lust. Such a frankness should not be afraid.
3 Do not avoid intimacy, but not limited to one sex option. Sex is not only a physiological act. Do not deprive each other access to the body, try not to avoid intimacy, even if you do not plan the most interesting (sex with penetration, mutual masturbation or any other ways to satisfy). Massage, stroking, touch (rubbing the lower back from the radiculitis is not suitable). Romantic furnishings, joint bathroom, lightweight massage, kisses.
4 Add to intimate life Spontaneity and anticipation. On the one hand, treat sex with ease, on the other - organize it with all seriousness. That is, not sleep, not only as, between the case, but with the soul. It will help catch a wave, tune in, and at the time of pleasure do not think about the earth (dinner, wash, child, fatigue, payments to pay).
5 Try other life roles. New life experience is reflected in bed. Let the partner sees you in another role, on the other hand, in the new light. For example, if you are interested in photography, but never took a spouse to shoot and did not get involved in the process - time came. It can add novelty, create a new place for the birth of desire. Yes, and change the situation, the scene for having sex is also useful - remove the hotel room at night, stop the bed, go to your friends to the cottage.
6 To warm up each other's interest. Sometimes instead of an SMS husband with a request not to forget to buy bread, you can send your intimate photos. Treat sex as a game, and therefore bring the elements of the game in everyday, usually boring household life. Can also help "planned sex." How we all anticipate the desired vacation, or, at worst, Friday! You can also expect sex - prepare, plan.
All of the above can work only in conditions of safe, trust, open intimacy and attachment between partners. When I really love, but I do not want. " Do not confuse with "I love, of course, but Meger wants this fading! Dismiss. "
Yes, the absence of passion and desire, often, is a consequence of an unchanged appearance, and the quarrels, conflicts that have accumulated offend and disappointments - but this is a completely different story. Therefore, when the client comes with the request: "I don't want a husband, what to do?", I try as you can find out the general condition of their family relationship. To understand whether there are no more significant reasons to avoid sex. In such cases, partners require a job in a different direction.
The husband wants sex, and his wife "headache" - the situation has long been anecdotal. And the surrounding understand - nothing hurts anything, just a woman cooled to her man.
But is there always a refusal of intimate proximity associated with purely psychological moments or for this there are medical reasons? In other words, how often do women really have a headache?
Consider 3 medical reasons why a woman does not want sex.
Male libido - the thing is relatively stable. It is usually reduced gradually with age - if, of course, a man does not abuse alcohol and narcotic substances.
Women's sexual activity is subject to oscillation due to hormonal "swings", which periodically arise in her life - this is pregnancy, childbirth, PMS, Climax.
Recall the nurse from the famous comedy spoke about the pregnant patient: "Imagine - at the sight of her husband nauseous!". In this joke, as usual, there is a large proportion of truth.
During the pregnancy and breastfeeding period, a woman may easily disappear sexual desire. And if you add fatigue and sleepless nights - it all becomes not until sex!
A loving man can always understand it, to suffer a little, and if possible, unload his wife from domestic troubles. It will give the opportunity to the woman not only to recover physically faster, but also improves relations between partners - so intimate life will make much faster.
During the climax, a woman can have both the moments of a burst and oppression of sexual desire. Also in the menopauscterical period there may be dry vagina, and then the woman experiences pain during sexual intercourse.
So we approached the second reason for the abandonment of sex, which women are embarrassed to speak, so all sorts of excuses are coming up.
Pain during sexual intercourse
Medical terms, this phenomenon is called dyspaure, and it can be evidence of quite serious female health issues.
5 Basic causes of pain during sexual contact:
- Endometriosis - A fairly common gynecological disease. Means the pathological growth of the uterus mucosa (endometrial). The born fabric goes beyond the uterus, getting into the ovaries, phallopyes pipes, in the cavity of a small pelvis. This causes pain with sexual intercourse and causes a woman a lot of other painful symptoms, up to the development of infertility. However, the disease is well amenable to therapy. It is treated with hormones or surgical paths - usually by the method of laparacopy.
- Polyps - Benign neoplasms. May occur in the uterus, in the cervical channel. Usually arise due to hormonal failures, if a woman suffers from hypertension or obesity. Polyps are dangerous to the potential possibility of moving into a cancer tumor. Therefore, they need to identify and delete surgically.
- Dry mucous membrane - It is more often caused by a disadvantage of female sex hormones. In this case, the mucous membrane is thinning, the amount of vaginal mucus is produced in insufficient quantity. In addition to sickness in the genital act, itching and burning in the field of genital organs. It may indicate a hormonal imbalance caused by the lesion of the ovarian or brain departments that are responsible for the production of hormones, as well as the medical oppression of the sexual sphere. A brief symptom may arise from a healthy woman in front of menstruation, during pregnancy and lactation. But, most often, the dryness of the mucous membrane of the vagina is observed in women in menopause or after radical surgical operations (removal of ovary or uterine with appendages). In this case, hormonal replacement therapy is recommended, carefully selected by the doctor. With sexual intercourse, the use of lubricants helps.
- Inflammation of female genital organs - Unfortunately, this is a common phenomenon in gynecological practice. The disease causes a bacterial or viral infection. It can penetrate out - such species refer to the STD (sexually transmitted disease). Also, inflammation provokes the reproduction of the inner pathogenic microflora - staphylococci, streptococci, fungal infection. Regardless of the type of pathogen, inflammation is treated with antibiotics and immunomodulating drugs that are selected by the doctor. If this is the STD - therapy should pass both spouses
- Postpartum changes in the structure of genital organs - Usually arise in women who have moved the gaps or dissection during childbirth. Seam takes time for healing, and its pain in the first period is normal - the first 2 months can not live sex life. But, if the sexual act continues to remain painful after this period, you need to consult a doctor. Perhaps complications arose - for example, a rough scar. Such problems are corrected by intimate plastic.
She really hurts his head!
Head pains suffer from all. However, migraine occurs, most often, in women. This is a painful pain in one half of the head, which can last from several hours to several days. Often pain can accompany such "pleasant" symptoms, like nausea, vomiting, intolerance to light and sounds. You understand - sex at this moment I want the least.
Why women need excuses
As you can see, pure medical reasons for the failure of sexual contacts is enough. Why do many women prefer to be silent about the missing imposition or soreness during sexual intercourse?
This is due to the tradition of making problems concerning women's health, as well as a low self-esteem of a woman or distrust of the partner.
Woman thinks about the following:
- "If a desire disappeared, then something is wrong with me, and I am defective."
- "If it hurts me - I am sick (that, in general, logical). And nobody needs sick wife! ".
The ladies in menopause seem to say about the unwillingness of sex or pain during it - it means to admit that it is old.
And someone hiding the true state of affairs, does not want to upset her husband.
But in fact, precisely the patience of pain and deception, more often lead to increasing irritation and alienation between spouses. This worsens the relationship is much stronger than a temporary break in sex. Moreover, if you wish, you can always come up with how to satisfy the partner.
And most health problems are quite solved. The earlier you pass for medical care - the sooner to set your sex life.